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"Good Enough" is Just Right

Article from the Post Register

By our Grants Manager, Taryn Yates


Posted July 12, 2017

Three months ago, my family and I welcomed our second child: A bright-eyed boy with several cowlicks, the most noticeable of which causes a tuft of hair in the back of his head to stand up distinctively. It's adorable and I do adore him. However, I must admit that having a second child has been challenging. Fortunately, I don't stress anymore about rigidly keeping a feeding or sleeping schedule, making sure no one touches him with unwashed hands, and a lot of the other big standard worries I had when I was a new mom. I learned with my firstborn to just feed my baby when he's hungry, that sleep patterns usually emerge when they are ready, that the baby will be exposed to germs whether I like it or not (his germ-ridden brother keeps kissing him), and life will carry on.

However, since I had the logistics under semi-control, I was caught off guard by a familiar foe: Guilt. I didn't feel like I was enjoying my baby. I didn't have time to. I was trying so hard to just keep my toddler alive and cared for, not to mention all the feeding, holding, burping, diaper changing, and bathing required to keep a newborn happy, that I didn't have any time to simply stop and smell the baby powder. I felt like I was mentally hunkering down and pushing through the hard part until my baby was a little older and life got more "manageable". That started me to worry: if I wasn't enthusiastically embracing every single mothering moment- was I hurting my children? Would they notice? Would letting my toddler watch too much television so I could take care of the baby or throw in a load of laundry ruin his brain development?

Somewhere in the midst of worrying, I was reminded of the concept of "good enough parenting". Good enough parenting comes from the research of Donald Winnicott and was expanded upon by several others. There is a lot of information out there on good enough parenting and attachment (google it, you'll see what I mean), but the basic idea is that parents have an insider's knowledge of their child that experts don't, so a well-meaning mother who is "fond of her baby" and tries her best will have good outcomes for their child. In Psychology Today, Dr. Peter Gray used Goldilocks as a metaphor for good enough parenting. Children need a parent who doesn't parent too much or parent too little. There is a sweet spot of good enough parenting right in the middle. So I decided to reflect upon my parenting with a more positive "good enough" lens. Am I fond of my children? Absolutely yes! Am I trying? Yes, I'm trying very hard, actually.

Through this lens, my guilt began to fade. Yes, I am rushed much of the time, but when I'm not worried about making every moment meaningful, I noticed that I do, in fact, put meaning into the little moments. I quickly tousle my toddler's hair as I'm getting him to brush his teeth. I coo at my baby while changing his diaper. I sing silly songs as I'm putting their clothes on. And I kiss each child as I'm putting them into their car seats. Sure, I offer my iPad for a much-needed distraction, and it's not unheard of for me to either rush through breakfast or offer a children's protein shake to my toddler in the car in lieu of scrambled eggs. It's not perfect. But it is good enough. In fact, one could say it's just right.

July 2017 Board Meeting

MEETING NOTICE: July 17 & 18, 2017
9:00 A.M.

The Idaho Children's Trust Fund Board will hold its Regularly Scheduled Board Meeting on Monday and Tuesday, July 17 and 18, 2017 in the second floor courtroom in the Borah Building at 304 N. 8th St.

The meeting is scheduled to begin at 9:00 each morning. Members of the public wishing to participate should contact the Children's Trust Fund Board offices (at 208-386-9317) to obtain the call in number and passcode if they wish to participate telephonically.

This notice is published pursuant to §67‐2343 Idaho Code. For additional information regarding Idaho's Open Meeting law, please see Idaho Code §§ 67‐2340 through 67‐2347.

Posted 6/26/17


Meeting of the Board of Directors
July 17 and 18, 2017
Borah Building*304 N. 8th St. 2nd Floor Courtroom * Boise Idaho

Monday, July 17
8:30 A.M. Gather/Light refreshments
9:00 A.M Convene
12:30 P.M. Lunch
4:00 P.M. Adjourn
9:00 Call to Order/Check In

9:15 introduce Richard Jurvelin, new Region 1 board member and go round

9:30 Approve minutes of April board meeting

Consent Agenda (staff reports and financials as reviewed by Finance committee)

Expenditures over $1000 (TBD)

Review DHW internal audits division report on internal controls

Performance reviews/ Wage increase

*Approve Travel plans
o CBCAP-DC Roger (August 10 11)
o PCAA New Orleans—Roger (October 5 and 6)
o Ignite 17 D2L Atlanta Norma and Roger (October 10 &11)
o National Alliance of CTF's Little Rock (November 7, 8, 9)

*Review and finalize SFY 2018 Budget

12:30 Networking Lunch

Assessment of prior year and goal setting
o ICTF role as backbone organization in statewide collective impact
o Statewide Child Sexual Abuse Prevention Initiative (options for moving forward)

o Internship program
o ACEs/Protective factors
o Funded projects

Begin planning as time permits

4:00 Recess for evening (Dinner together)

Tuesday, July 19

9:00 Convene for planning using Matrix

*Next Meeting October 16 or 17

Noon Adjourn

Thank You St. Luke's Magic Valley!

Thanks to St. Luke's Magic Valley for supporting our child sexual abuse prevention efforts in the area. Mollie Mason is coordinating the Stewards of Children training with Magic Valley groups so let us know if you want your organization or group of friends to learn how they can prevent children from being abused in the first place. We have trainers throughout Idaho.

St. Luke's gives $275K to area nonprofits

  • NATHAN BROWN This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
TWIN FALLS — The Boys and Girls Club of the Magic Valley wants to start a physical fitness and nutrition program at its club in Buhl.
There’s a need for it in the community, Steve Kaatz, the vice president of the club’s board of directors, told a roomful of heads of area nonprofits at St. Luke’s Magic Valley Medical Center on Thursday.
“We’re a poor community,” Kaatz said. “We have an awful lot of people who are making less than $15,000 a year. Don’t know how they’re living. And a lot of those are families.”
The Boys and Girls Club is one of 30 groups to split the $275,000 in Community Health Improvement Grants St. Luke’s is giving out this year to support various projects that are intended to improve people’s health in the Magic Valley. On Thursday, the awardees gathered for a lunch in their honor and to tell each other what they were doing with the money.
Many of the nonprofits getting help this year have also gotten grants in the past, but there are a few new ones, such as the Fifth Judicial District CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates for Children) Program. It plans to use the money to support the Fostering Futures program, which helps teenagers transition out of foster care, said Executive Director Tahna Cooper.
“Sometimes, when they age out, they don’t have the life skills you typically get with families,” she said. “(This) helps them to set goals, achieve goals, be realistic about who their support system can be when they get out of foster care.”
The Idaho Children’s Trust Fund is another new grantee. While St. Luke’s Treasure Valley has given them grants in the past, the new money will help them expand their child abuse prevention training program in the Magic Valley, said Executive Director Roger Sherman. The money will help them coordinate trainings with organizations such as schools, libraries, child care centers and community groups. Sherman said they have trained 14,000 adults in Idaho already, and their goal is to reach 5 percent of the state’s adult population.
“We hope that will reach a tipping point where we can make a difference,” he said.
St. Luke’s Administrator Mike Fenello told the group the hospital is working to shift from a “fee-for-service” patient care model, where people come in when they’re sick, get the treatment they need and leave, to a “pay-for-value,” more patient-focused one that follows up and helps to keep people healthy after they leave the hospital.
“There are a lot of structural things we’re going to be working on in the coming years,” he said.
By working together, Fenello said, St. Luke’s and the nonprofits getting grants could help improve the community’s overall health.
“We have a shared purpose and we can do great things together,” he said.

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