Advocating for Yourself

It’s hard being a kid when you don’t feel like you have a voice in decision making. Kids need consistency and stability; at the same time, they also need novelty and safe spaces to explore their environments. This story is about advocating for your own needs, even if you are a child.

Maria* was born in Mexico and raised in San Diego. She didn’t speak English until second grade. Her family moved from San Diego to Tennessee to Wisconsin and then back to San Diego. This was a tumultuous time for Maria. The instability in housing, health challenges her mother faced, moving and changing schools four times, making new friends, being separated from her brother who stayed in Wisconsin, experiencing bullying at school, all contributed to Maria feeling isolated and alone. She stopped going to school and hid in her room. It was a dark time.

Asking for help can be hard. Maria had developed fierce independence and self-protection, but she knew she couldn’t overcome the darkness alone. She needed help and asked for therapy. Her mother was supportive and helped Maria get the therapy she needed.

Maria explained to her mother that she didn’t feel safe at school. She spent the summer in Mexico with her favorite aunt and bonded with her cousins. She felt a sense of belonging and reflects that she still maintains those friendships today. While in Mexico, she told her mom, “I’m not coming back, I found a school.” Her mother didn’t object because Maria was thriving.

Eventually she did come back. Maria had many obstacles to overcome, but her determination and resilience carried her through. Her credits didn’t transfer so she attended an alternative school. She was seen as a ‘rebellious kid.’ “The power struggle was too much, and my mom decided to give up on me. I knew I needed a job to get emancipated. So, I started working for Marriott in Coranado. I’ve been on my own since I was 17 and climbed the corporate ladder for 12 years.”

Now that she is a mother, Maria reflects on her own childhood. “[My mom] did the best she could with what she had. She led with love and sometimes she’d just snap. There was no space for open dialog and questions. But did I feel loved? Yes 100%.”

Her childhood had its ups and downs; she experienced unsafe Environments, strong Relationships with extended family, not feeling a sense of belonging in high school, and opportunities for Emotional Growth. Maria has taken a much more intentional approach with parenting her own daughter. “All behavior is communication. I get curious instead of judging or getting mad at her.” She works hard to nurture the relationship and build independence and confidence. “I give her grace of exploration and believe she can do things. She is really into expressions! I want her to be exactly who she wants to be.”

Maria was Socially and Civically engaged in a book club group. Through this group she connected with other moms. “I love that I did this! I’m getting outside my comfort zone socially and I’m fascinated with everyone’s story. There’s something wonderful about having a village of supportive mom friends that helps in daily life because they know the struggle.” Her engagement has led to stronger relationships.

One thing she learned from book club is a mindset shift from- “what’s wrong with you?” to- “what happened to you?” “We all require a little bit of compassion and tenderness from everyone,” says Maria. Her advice is to “Find joy in small moments of connection and self-discovery and spend sweet tender moments with the ones you love.”

Our work at the Idaho Children’s Trust Fund (ICTF) promotes the building blocks of HOPE and the five Protective Factors which are: parental resilience, social connections, knowledge of parenting and child development, social and emotional competence of children, and concrete support in times of need. These Protective Factors and building blocks of HOPE promote optimal development so individuals and communities thrive.

We are thankful for Maria and her willingness to advocate for herself and share her story. If you would like to know more about programs and organizations founded in the Protective Factors and HOPE, want to get involved or share your story, contact the Idaho Children’s Trust Fund.

*Name changed for privacy